The Flaming Fart Master!

Peanuts

2005-09-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

Over the course of my long 11 years on this planet, I have heard much talk of peanuts in your turds. I have had a different experience with these delightful little morsels. I like to eat an entire bag of dry roasted peanuts with little or no liquid. after about 30 minutes, you can actually feel one big glob of peanut butter moving through you intestines. After about 8 hours that blob of peanutty goodness is ready to come out, and man is it serious about it. There's no holding back, it comes out all at once and looks exactly like,,,,, peanut butter. Not just any PB though, it looks like the grainy oily all natural kind. Try it, you'll like it.

Swiffers

2005-07-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

This warning is a public service brought to you by the Fartmaster. If you have a Glade Swiffer Air Freshener don't put in in the bathroom after a healthy stoof. The mixture of that scent along with your log odor is like nothing you've ever encountered and simply disgusting.

ipods

2005-06-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

I just got an ipod,it rocks.If your wondering which one I got I got the ipod mini.Its silver and holds 1000 songs,its great.Isuggest not to get the shuffle for a hundred bucks more you get so much more.So i think anyone with out a ipod do the world a favor and go get a ipod exspecialy people who listen to rap really loud so the hole block can hear it.

Super Glue Happiness

2005-05-19T03:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought of all the fun you can have with one little tube of super glue? Sure, amateurs will tell you to glue coins to the floor so you can laugh watching people stopping and trying to pick them up but there are way more things you can do. Try making a row of desks in your classroom all a little crooked and glueing them to the floor that way. Leave a drop on the water fountain button, glue someones books to their desk. Last but not least, when that annoying fat girl in class gets up from her chair, shoot a little squirt on her chair, once she sits down, she's NOT getting back up. Your entire class will be lying on the floor laughing as she struggles to get up.

Dirty Bathroom Protest!

2005-04-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of walking into public bathrooms and having them smell like an overflowing porta john on a 105 degree day and having who knows what smeared all over everything. I suggest a national protest of these disgusting places. Next time you walk into a bathroom that is not fit for a human to crap in, just go ahead and drop a few logs right on the floor! This way they will have no choice but to clean the place and it will be that much better for the next guy. What the heck, if you're flexible, go ahead and stoof in the sink. On the flipside, if it's a nice clean place, refrain from bustin off a few stink stinks on the linoleum and just write www.pikkelweezel.com on the wall with a sharpie.

P.S. If you're not brave enough to do the real thing, consider this exciting alternative "The Brownie Bomb"

Swampy Butt

2005-04-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

This morning, while walking around Wal-Mart with a bad case of the swamps, I squeezed one out in the arts and crafts aisle, my intended victims were two boys. My timing was just a tad off beecause as soon as it slid out of my chute, they walked away. This rancid awfullness filled the isle just in time for a good looking young woman to come around the corner and walk right past me. That poor woman, I couldn't stand my own smell, I have no idea how she walked through the cloud and survived. Where is your favorite place to drop some nasty gas? Mine is the magazine aisle in the grocery store, everyone is squatting down reading, their noses are about butt level as I walk by and slide them out in their faces. As you reach the end of the isle, turn around and see the looks on their faces as they try to figure out who did it.

retards

2005-04-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

There's this retard who has a blog and a website that is asking for donations to mostly pay his friggin bills. I dont't know about you or anyone eles but I wouldn't give the little retard a dime. 1st of all he works at wal-mart unloading trucks .He's got a picture of himself on his website, he's bald, has a soul-patch and has a virginia slim in his mouth, last I knew virginia slims were for girls. Last of all, the only people talking on his yahoo site builder website are his faggot friend's of his. Go check it out at, terriblywrong.com. Oh yea, PIKKELWEEZEL rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wooden Chairs

2005-03-26T00:11:00.000-08:00

Can some sort of acoustics expert please tell me why it's totally impossible to squeeze out even the smallest of fleepers on a wooden chair without the entire restaurant hearing it? The other day I was at Dunkin Donuts when I felt that luscious urge to pass a little anal burp. It was a very big one so I figured I could pass it unnoticed, the nearest person was two tables away. I lift a cheek up off of the wooden chair to reduce the reverb and let it slide, HOLY COW, it was loud! That guy eating two tables away turned right around and gave me a dirty look. I don't know about you but I crack up whenever someone gets uptight about a fart. I decided to be nice and hold the rest until I left. As I got into my car I let it all out at once with a thunderous kaboom! Unfortunately I hopped in my car and shut the door way too soon becuase that stank stayed with me for about 5 minutes. They don't call me "Gravy Leg" for nuthin.

SBD [ silent but deadly ]

2005-03-22T12:22:00.000-08:00

Today while I was sitting in class reading abook about ww2 I decided to go get some water when all the sudden i felt a warm wet silent one ready to fire. So while i was walking by a kid in the hallway on the floor doing some class work i squeezed one off on the dude. When I came back the kid was in a different location and was holding his nose so i asked whats wrong. in a raspy voice the kid said take a smell, I think when the janitor came by he let one out. By this time I had took a little smell and fell on the ground laughing histaricly and then he asked me, do you know anyone who could produce a stinky smell like that and i said me. Then he started to get up so i ran, usally I would not have run but he was huge and looked like he could produce stinkier gasses then me so i ran.